I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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