Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize