I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
false alarm, still single
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
Randomize