In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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