I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Randomize
