No period for spring break; use this wisely.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
