I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
