Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
