he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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