you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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