its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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