I hope my margaritas pass through security.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Randomize
