my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
