Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
