giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Randomize