what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Randomize
