Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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