Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
