Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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