the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
