I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Randomize