I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize