When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It was a blind-side dick pic.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
