Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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