oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
