do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
