so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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