YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He kissed a someone with a penis
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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