I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
did you just send me my own nude
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Couch. On fire.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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