I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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