my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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