When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize