It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Randomize
