Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
