She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
