A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
