Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
