Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
