Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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