Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
