So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
