ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
