note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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