I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
