I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
