i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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