dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
