I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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