I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
