awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I deserve this hangover.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
