Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
