Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
