just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
