Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
