dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
