My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
