So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
