my mouth tastes like poor choices
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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