NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
