Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
