May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
