just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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