don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
