I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
