i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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