She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
