I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
