you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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