I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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