you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
