Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
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