So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
