I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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