She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
