Don't you send me to vm
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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