so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Is Oprah even human
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
