My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
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