I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
