I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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