my room smells like sperm. sweet.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Randomize
